


Bad Habits Die Hard

by evilqueenofgallifrey (MayFairy)



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, bessie didn't deserve this, to say that the Brig is unamused is an understatement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 14:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9128734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayFairy/pseuds/evilqueenofgallifrey
Summary: Three and the Brig find a couple making out on the bonnet of the former's car. Three recognises his future self and oldest nemesis immediately, and is less than impressed that apparently he does not get wiser with age.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yonderdarling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yonderdarling/gifts).



> The wonderful yonderdarling (aka Twissy queen) has been in surgery and made a request of auroral-melody that I felt the need to write a little accompaniment to just out of gratitude for the amazing fics that are 'The Grand Sci-Fi Fuckathon of Hitler and Stalin' and 'Once Upon a Time in Nazi-Occupied France'. 
> 
> This is short, sweet, and silly.

The Brigadier was not having a good day.

Good days were sometimes rare at UNIT, because aliens did not adhere to basic decency or schedules and sometimes it could be three near invasions in a week and then two weeks of absolutely nothing. It was nothing short of infuriating.

And today, well. Today the alien _under his employ_ had decided to blow up his lab. Decided possibly wasn’t the right word because he kept insisting it was an accident, but the Brigadier just wasn’t in the mood.

“Really, Brigadier, you can’t be too put out with me over this,” the Doctor was trying to tell him as they walked, “It was a small mishap involving an even _smaller_ explosive, and really it was Benton who startled me and made me drop the fuse-”

“Doctor, I just don’t want to hear it, we’ll deal with this tomorrow,” the Brigadier said impatiently as they came to the door of the garage where employees kept their personal vehicles.

“Very well, old chap, but as long as you do consider-”

That was when the Doctor’s words died in his throat, because the Brigadier had pushed open the garage door to reveal two figures wrapped in an amorous embrace - atop the bonnet of the Doctor’s car.

“Who the devil is-” The Brigadier flicked the lights on to reveal that the two figures were definitely _not_ UNIT employees.

The man was around the Doctor’s age, curly grey hair and dark clothing. He was being straddled by a woman in purple Victorian dress, a brunette with razor cheekbones and red lipstick. They made for quite the colourful contrast against the bright yellow of the car. 

“What in seven galaxies are you doing on _my_ car?!” The Doctor demanded, until they turned to look at him with surprise. The man - who had smears of red lipstick all around his mouth - swore under his breath, while the woman just smirked.

“And in _my_ secure military facility?” The Brigadier added, hands on his hips, one itching for his gun. 

“Oh, no, not _you_ ,” the Doctor said, groaning and making the Brigadier look at him curiously while the man on the car looked rather ashamed of himself. “Really? You two can’t be here!”

“And yet, evidently, we are,” the woman replied, licking her thumb and wiping at her smudged lipstick, without a care in the world for the increasingly angry military official who was starting to consider drawing his gun.

“You _know_ them?” The Brigadier asked his scientific adviser, who scowled.

“Intimately,” the Doctor said, and the woman’s eyebrows went up, amusement flashing through her pale eyes while him and the man underneath her winced, “Unfortunately.”

“Missy, can you please get off?” The man said to his lady friend. “I’ve lost enough of my dignity as it is.” She smirked at him and didn’t move an inch even when he tried to dislodge her.

“You’re breaking the First Law of Time,” the Doctor said crossly, “And for what?”

Missy gave him a coy little shrug, the epitome of ‘sorry, but I’m not sorry’. Her hand trailed across the surface of the car bonnet, far more sensually than should have been legal. “Nostalgia?” She asked, batting her eyelashes innocently.

“Doctor, you will explain to me right now exactly who these people are and why I shouldn’t throw them in a cell immediately,” the Brigadier demanded.

“As delightfully fun as that sounds, Brigadier, we really should be going,” Missy said airily, “But it’s been lovely to see you again.”

“Again? Madame, I’ve never laid eyes on you before in my life-”

“Sorry,” the man on the car said to the Doctor, “You know how it is. With...her. Them. You know.”

The Doctor sighed with exasperation, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly. “I really was hoping we’d improve with age, you know, not become even more susceptible to this sort of thing.”

The other man made a face. “Yeah, well. Circumstances. And she’s...a bit better, than she was.”

“Hey, you take that back,” Missy said to him, prodding his chest indignantly. "I'm just as awful as I ever was, thank you very much." 

“That’s not really saying much,” the Doctor said to her companion, ignoring her.

“No,” came the agreement and wince. He gave the Doctor a look that said ‘what can you do?’, and the Brigadier felt himself lose his last ounce of patience.

“Alright, I’m-”

“Toodles, Alistair,” Missy said, waggling her fingers before touching something strapped to her wrist.

Much to the Brigadier’s bemusement, she and the man on the car disappeared in a flash of light, and the Doctor didn’t seem even remotely surprised. He just massaged his temple, like he had a headache. 

“Would you care to explain what I just witnessed, Doctor?”

“Not especially, my dear fellow,” the Doctor said, patting him on the shoulder, “I think you’ll just need to take my word for it that you really don’t want to know.”

“But-”

“In the morning, Brigadier, like you said,” he continued, lightly pushing the Brigadier in the direction of his car, “In the morning. I need a drink. Or three.”

The Brigadier was tempted to say ‘I think I’ll join you’, but it was probably for the best that he got some distance from alien nonsense and a good night sleep. “The morning, then,” he said, giving the Doctor a nod and minuscule smile.

“The morning,” the Doctor said, smiling back. “Goodnight, Brigadier.”

The Brigadier was never more relieved to get home and slide into bed. Every moment away from aliens and invasions and Time Lord fuckery was a moment to be savoured.

**Author's Note:**

> auroral-melody did some great fanart to go with this fic, here:
> 
> http://meloartist.tumblr.com/post/155194966467/nicolauda-this-is-singularly-the-best-ask-i-have


End file.
